How Not to Be Stuck in Life?

Akash Bajwan
10 min readDec 7, 2021

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Humans are magnificent beings. No offense to other life forms on earth but we do have one advantage over them. We can adapt. This has been the reason why there are almost 8 billion of us Today. Leave the good part where this trait helped us spread all over the globe. When we talk about you on an individual level, who’s always trying to get somewhere better. Adaptation can keep you away from the better. From the possibility.

We Are Not Turtles

When a turtle is born it runs toward the sea before a predator gets a hold of it. If successful they go on and reach sexual maturity which can take anywhere from 10 to 50 years. They mate and leave for the same island they were born on decades ago, to lay eggs and the cycle goes on. But how does a baby turtle know to run towards the sea? How and why do they come back to the same beach traveling thousands of miles? There are no roads and signs in the sea. For a very simple reason, It’s encoded in their DNA. They have been performing this behavior for thousands of years.

The dilemma of baby turtles

Yet, they’ve been facing a big problem ever since the invention of the light bulb. They are running toward the city and are getting crushed under vehicles. Turtle eggs hatch during the night to avoid daytime predators. Baby turtles gravitate towards the brightest light they can find in the environment. Which has been the reflection of the moon in the sea for millions of years. Sadly, that’s not the case anymore. With cities burning with LEDs and roads lit with halogens. They confuse our concrete jungles and petrol carts for the sea. Poor babies. It may take them hundreds of years to know better. Turtles that make it to the sea will survive and reproduce, those going towards the city will die. Over generations, the number of turtles making the right decision will increase. That’s how natural selection works, and it takes its time.

We on the other hand are born with zero knowledge of the environment, ecosystem, and its dangers. Having biological plasticity, we can adapt to any environment we are born into. We learn after we come into the world, which makes sense considering we live everywhere. From South pole to Sahara desert. From Amazon to Savannah. There’s hardly any place you will not find humans, it kind of makes Man v/s Wild seems like a joke. If we did come with pre-programmed sets of behavior and survival techniques, we would have been limited to only one kind of region.

You are whatever happens to you. Have some control over it.

We are a product of our environment. You might think what you think is your thinking but it’s mostly influenced. We get affected by everything. Our parents, the people we spend time with, the movies we watch, the music we listen to, the books we read, the culture we are born in, the city, the country, you name it. Everything has a role in creating your thinking patterns, ethics, morals, and behaviors. Essentially making you who you are.

Keep Us in the Gutter Long Enough And We’ll Learn to Enjoy it

We learn from the environment, our experiences, parents, siblings, teachers, and so on. A lot of it is just mimicking their behavior. We adapt fast. While this adaptation trait helps us in surviving, it has its downsides too. You can get accustomed to the suffering, become comfortable, and accept it as normal. This is why people stay in toxic and abusive relationships. To them, it has become normal. When their partner repeats the same behavior (say lying or cheating) and manages to get the forgiveness, it sort of becomes a loop. Their brain adapts to it.

“Whatever there be of progress in life comes not through adaptability but through daring.” — Henry Miller

They are then at the mercy of wave-like ups and downs of emotions. Getting angry and anxious when their partner repeats the toxic behavior. Becoming happy again when they sort it out. Their baseline happiness falls so low. A ray of sunshine in a dark room is all they crave, having forgotten that they can bathe in sunlight. Suffering is not normal. Those who suffer spend their life searching for tiny drops of joy in the sea of agony.

The Anxiety of the Possibilities

Possibilities

There are so many toxic behaviors that are normalized that one can get anxiety. Most people I know need to see a therapist. You must know such people as well, but they are not your concern. Your only concern is you.

Never under-estimate your power to change yourself. Never over-estimate your power to change others.

There was a time when I used to get distressed by thinking about the meaning of life. Now, it's the possibilities that blow my mind. Life can end up in thousands of different ways based on what action you take and the exposure you get. You can one day be drinking hot chocolate in the Norway winters watching aurora with friends. It’s possible. Another day you can be sitting in a cafe with your partner in Scotland. Someday you can be jumping off a plane landing in Switzerland. Everything’s possible. Something you can’t possibly imagine is also possible. Possibilities for you will be unique, as you are. For different things matter for you than others. Having a sense that other things are also possible, further than your regular experiences and what you know — is very important. If we are not aware of the possibilities, we accept whatever is happening to us as standard. What we are experiencing as the only way.

We Just Need Better Idols

We often hear stories of self-made millionaires and billionaires. If you dig deep, you’d find they had a lot of leverage. Not only the financial leverage. Because they can take risks without the fear of going broke because they have rich parents to fall back on.

When Elon Musk invested all his money in Tesla and Space X, he didn’t have to think about survial for food and shelter. He comes from a well off and rather interesting family.

I’m talking about the greatest leverage of all. Better idols. We learn the possibilities from the people we stay around with. Children of already successful parents learn a lot from them. Be it the relationship with money, the mindset, habits, communication, so on and so forth. That is their baseline. What an average person will learn the hard way comes naturally to them. They have seen it and absorbed it in the most receptive years of their life.

You are as good as the books you read and people you spend your time with. Choose carefully.

So when we look up to that uncle who works in a multinational company as our inspiration, we can do better than that. After you’ve set your bar way high up there, possibilities become clear.

Getting Out of the Experiential Plateau

It’s true that most people are running on a hamster wheel. They do the same things daily, visit the same places, eat at a single cafe, haven’t made a new friend in years. No offense, having a structure in your life is a good thing. It helps in managing chaos. I’m all for routines and rituals. But you must break out once in a while. Here are six ways to get the most out of life and the limited time you have left on earth.

Breaching the experiential plateau

1/ Move to Another City

Boldest, yet exciting and even scary move for some people. The majority of us live our entire life where we are born. It’s so sad that we don’t even explore the options. How likely is it that the city you were born in is the best of them all? Highly unlikely! In a different city, you get to be whoever you want to be. You can finally shed your skin and stop playing the role you were forcibly playing in the previous city. If moving to another city is not possible or too big of a step. Try moving to another place.

2/ Travel

You should travel as much as you can. There’s nothing better when it comes to having new experiences. Travelling builds your character. Our brain loves new experiences. What’s interesting about traveling is it provides you with a lot of unplanned moments. Things go wrong and in a good way. You have no idea what’s gonna happen next. The new culture, food, buildings, streets, and everything is new to you. You are observing everything with awe, like when a child visits a zoo. Our experiences make us who we are. Ideally, you should take a vacation every 2–3 months. If you don’t have the time, try workation. Travel while working. Pandemic has made this option viable as well.

Disclaimer
Please, visit new places. Don’t keep visiting the same place again and again. You will face diminishing returns and won’t get the same kick the second or third time. My family loves to go to Vaishno Devi, as their idea of a vacation is visiting a temple. I’ve been there 5 times and won’t go again even if offered with money.

3/ Try Different Cafes

This is the best way of getting your money’s worth. If you’re the guy who goes to Starbucks every weekend or so. Open google and make a list of cafes in your city. If you’re living in a metro, you’ll find enough cafes to last you a year if you visit once every week. Sit in them for an hour or work there for a few hours. I personally love the cafe culture. It will do wonders for you if you’re a writer. There are cafes with libraries in them. Cafes that are decades old, cafes in Potter themes, Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings, you name it. It’s hard to describe the feeling of reading a book sitting in a good cafe while enjoying your drink in one word, other than magical. Psychedelic experience without psychedelics.

4/ Go to Meetups

Getting new experiences should not just be limited to the environment. It’s the people as well. I get fascinated with the number of people that exist on earth. Each with a unique personality, perspective, and thinking. Your normal is someone else’s absurd and their normal can be absurd for you. Wouldn’t it be interesting to be able to peak into their mind and see the world from their perspectives? New friendships and meeting new people is rare in our fast life. You make fewer and fewer new friends as you get older. But it shouldn’t be this way. You’re not stuck with the people you have in your life. You don’t have to, especially if you’re unhappy. Going to meetups based on your interests can be a great start to finding a new friend. Even a potential partner, you never know. And don’t even get me started on the opportunities. Having organized more than 100 meetups, you can take my word for it. Great things happen when you find the right match for you. You can find events and meetups in your city on meetup.com and other event websites.

You think you know what it takes. But, the truth is realizing: Work all you want. Study all you want. 99% of the time…it’s who you know. Every person has an opportunity attached. — Zach Pogrob

It’s important to go out in the world. You get tunnel vision after staying where you are at.

5/ Try Something New

Everyone keeps saying, “find your passion” but nobody tells how? Firstly, I hate the term passion. You are not born with your passion/talent, you cultivate it, you work on it, perfect it after coming into the world. You like it because you’ve grown to enjoy it. You’re good at it. You feel alive while doing it. Just say you “enjoy doing it.” Avoid attaching passions to your identity, you’ll be forced to maintain it later. Even when you’re no longer getting the same fulfillment out of it.

Secondly, your passion(for a lack of a better word) won’t come looking for you. You have to get out there and try things. Most people don’t find it because they aren’t looking. If you’re not looking, it simply comes down to odds. Which let me tell you are really bad. Make a list of things you’d like to try and try them on weekends. Draw a painting, ferment wine, write, start a side hustle, anything. The more things you try, the more likely you are to find something that makes you so content, you’ll be ready to do it for free.

6/ Books

If you set your ideal way up there right with the titans of the world. It’s highly unlikely that you have access to such people. Most of us don’t. And we won’t ever get the access if we don’t get closer to where they are. Until then, books are there to help you out. Reading biographies of such people is the closest you can get to be their friend.
Here are my recommendations:

Final Note

While it’s completely okay wanting a better life, friends, partner, or place for yourself. It should not be at the cost of your happiness. Happiness comes from being satisfied with what you have. Getting to a better place should then be experienced as a journey. In the end, it’s the road we remember most, not the destination. Life is to be lived during the journey, for upon reaching the destination you’ll be quick to decide the next goal. Off to another road.

Life is not a problem to solve but a reality to live.

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Akash Bajwan
Akash Bajwan

Written by Akash Bajwan

Generalist. Figuring out life and sharing my discoveries online.